Parenthood is by far the funniest thing I have ever experienced. I find that it’s pretty much a daily reminder not to take life too seriously, which brings us to today’s story.
I knew from the moment I found out I was having a boy that bodily functions and would be a big part of my life. What little boy doesn’t joke about boogers and poop? I was prepared for these things to pop up, I just didn’t think it would be this soon. J loves poop and boogers. He loves pointing out the cat’s and dog’s poopies, he loves telling you about his, and he even loves making poop jokes.
For instance, a few months back I caught J stuffing some unwanted food behind him in his chair. When I picked him up I asked him how it had gotten there, and he very seriously looked at me, pointed at his bottom, and said, “Poop.” Then he proceeded to laugh uncontrollably for a good minute. I’ll never forget that moment- it was adorable, terrifying and repulsive all at the same time.
So as you can tell, poop is often discussed at my house these days. Today after lunch, J told me he was pooping. (He gives you a play by play just to make sure you’re in the loop.) After he was done I removed the diaper, and I’ll spare you the details, but let’s just say this was more than a two wipe diaper. As I was cleaning it he grabbed a wipe himself to help, but missed with the wipe and before I knew it a poopy little hand was smearing excrement across the couch cushions.
You take it for granted that your children know not to wipe poop on the couch, but you know what? They don’t. So I clean off the couch with antibacterial soap and a rag, and explain to J that poop doesn’t go on the couch.
Thinking that the crisis had been dealt with I went into the bathroom to try and locate our diaper cream, which had mysteriously relocated itself. A few seconds later J followed me in to show me his fork. (It’s amazing what interests toddlers, isn’t it?) I ooh’d and ahh’d as is appropriate in such situations and went back to looking for the cream.
After finally locating it, I turned around victoriously, ready to cream and diaper that cute little tushie. Let’s just say my victory was short lived as I took in J leaning over the toilet using a his treasured fork to stir a towel in the bowl. “Look Mommy, cooking.”
Let’s just say bath time came early today, and we will be buying some new cutlery.