Mommy Brain

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My husband always jokes that after having two kids, he no longer expects me to remember anything. I used to pride myself on my near photographic memory. I could memorize and recall information with ease. Grocery lists? Who needed ’em? I could recall every item we needed with ease. Phone numbers and dates? On instant recall. Fast forward a few years and a few kids and sadly, that is no longer the case.

Ahh yes, motherhood has definitely taken it’s toll on my memory. It’s a condition known as “mommy brain” and it is a well known fact that 100% of mothers with children under the age of 5 chronically suffer from it. “My goodness,” you might be thinking, ” I had no idea. How can I know if I or someone I love is suffering from mommy brain?” I’m so glad you asked. Allow me to acquaint you with some of my own common mommy brain symptoms.

Last week I was loading up J and A after a trip to the grocery store. I got everyone buckled in and was reaching for my seat belt when I realized I didn’t know where the keys were. I began frantically searching for them and even got out of the car and checked the back seat only to find that I had stuck them in my BRA. That’s right. The keys were tucked in my bra, along with a credit card and a pacifier that had been dropped while shopping. Classic mommy brain. Your see, mommies of small children are frequently so busy trying to literally juggle children that even taking the time to find an accessible pocket of clothing isn’t feasible. Instead, things are stuck in the most easily accessed place, the bra.

You may also be wondering, ” Good God woman! How did you not notice you were carrying around not one, not two, but THREE things in your bra?” Another symptom of mommy brain. Loss of personal awareness. Mommies are very used to having their physical space constantly invaded by children, their toys, their diaper bag, etc. After a while you stop taking note of these things, as it has become the new norm.

Here’s another classic mommy brain scenario. Yesterday we were getting ready to leave the house for a fun outing at the local splash pad. J did not get the message that it was supposed to be “fun” and was running around the house crying, ripping off his clothing, and hiding from me while wailing, “NO MOMMY! I’M NOT READY!!!! I’M NOT READY FOR CLOTHES! NO, THANK YOU.”  (Only a two year old would scream at you wile still being concerned about having good manners). While all of this was going on A decided he NEEDED to be held, so attempting to keep all the wheels in motion, I wrapped A up on my back and set off to catch J. No sooner than I had caught J did I feel a warm, wet sensation dripping down my back, and I knew I had been spat up on. Yum, yum. I mentally noted that after I got everyone else ready I would have to change my shirt. Fast forward to our arrival at the splash pad, and everyone is just as happy as can be…Except mom, because I forgot to change my shirt and I now smell like cheese.

Perhaps the above situations have never happened to you, but your still convinced you may suffer from mommy brain. This condition does present itself differently in each patient. Do any of the following apply to you:

1) Have you ever shaved your legs/arms/ armpits/ whatever, only to discover later (and most likely in public) that you only completed half the job?

2) Have you ever caught yourself listening to kids songs while by yourself because you’ve been conditioned to listen to them in the car?

3) Have you ever left your house without being completely clothed? E.g. in a shirt and a slip because you forgot to put on your skirt?

4) Have you ever wiped your spouse’s snotty nose or tried to put on their shoes?

5) Have you ever forgotten your ACTUAL name when introducing yourself to an adult?

6) Have you ever panicked in a public place when you couldn’t find your child only to realize you were holding them or they were in the stroller?

7) Have you ever driven your spouse crazy because you forgot you already asked them that question five minutes ago and they already answered it?

8) Have you ever searched your entire house for keys only to realize they were in your pocket?

9) Have you ever started to respond to a text, only to be interrupted by a child who is either screaming and/or crying and/or doing their James Bond stunt double impersonation and then never actually responded?

10) Have you ever forgotten to fasten your bra or pull your shirt back down after nursing a child? Possibly even resulting in an issue of public nudity?

If you answered “yes” to any of the above questions, you do in fact suffer from mommy brain. At this time, there is no known cure, but experts recommend a glass of wine, message and some alone time to control the symptoms.

What was your mommy brain moment? Any additional tips to control the symptoms?

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